Patti's Grace Notes

Widow Walk 4 Months 14 Days/Be Of Good Cheer!

365 Walks/Day 344-362

I don't know where to begin. I know I've said that before, but I honestly don't. I have no idea where this post is headed and will be just as surprised at the end of it as you may be. I will first apologize for the long absence (if you have even noticed) but the good news is that I have been so completely occupied that I haven't had a moment to spare these last days before Christmas. 

 

Fortunately I managed to avoid most of the madness of the season depicted above, but there were moments. Right now I am sipping "White Christmas" tea from my new "hidden owl" tea cup (Truly, it's a big white porcelain cup with a 3 D owl nestled in the bottom of it.) as I think over the last month and how I've (we've) survived so far. 

Just about the time my quarter ended and I began to feel the first pangs of panic creep in, my buddy, Betsy, whisked me away to spend a night at the Captain Whidbey Inn up on Whidbey Island (click for info). She knows that this is a place very dear to me since my husband and I discovered it while sailing down Penn Cove, on an exquisite summer's day, nearly 34 years ago. There is more to this story, but I'll keep that part private. It is a most magical log inn with history spanning over 100 yrs. People travel from all over the world to find beauty like this and it's just up the creek from us. We arrived to discover that on this blustery December evening, less than two weeks before Christmas - we were the only guests! We also learned that the place is haunted - a fact revealed to me only after I got a very distinct chill down my spine while exploring the upper floor and then inquiring. The young proprietress simply looked at me with big eyes and said, "You felt it didn't you?" I was so excited, but more so as Betsy and I settled down to tea-for-two in the lobby and heard about all of the "activity". When we asked if our hostess was afraid to be there at night she told us, "not really - there are often many sounds in an old place like this, like the owl I heard hooting tonight!" Betsy and I jerked our heads toward each as if we'd just received an electric shock! "Owl? Are you sure?" "Oh yes" she answered, "And it's so unusual here - I've never heard an owl."....so then, we had a story for her.....

A festive Capt. Whidbey Inn. My husband and I dined at the table next to the window in '76.

I managed to do a little baking for the neighbors, despite Rufus' bold move on the kitchen counter where he demolished a lab's share - I couldn't believe it! Also, I made some special, meaningful gifts for the kids that were connected to their dad and did some shopping online (the only way to go) and had it shipped to my daughter's address in California. It was important for me to find a special way to memorialized my daughter-in-law's grandmother who died shortly after my husband. She was unable to travel to Romania for the burial service and I know this was a huge loss for her. I'd heard of a Star Registry where you can name an actual star after a loved one and I was able to have a special package delivered with a letter announcing the star's name, it's astrological coordinates, and a saying of my choosing.

 

I selected the verse by Mary E. Frye:

Do not stand at my grave and weep 
I am not there. I do not sleep. 
I am a thousand winds that blow. 
I am the diamond glints on snow. 
I am the sunlight on ripened grain. 
I am the gentle autumn rain. 
When you awaken in the mornings hush 
I am the swift uplifting rush 
Of quiet birds in circled flight. 
I am the soft stars that shine at night. 
Do not stand at my grave and cry 
I am not there. I did not die.

It was important to pick and choose the activities that I devoted my energies to. I wasn't always on target, but I tried to read myself as best as I could. I attended daily mass as often as possible. I know I looked horrible those mornings and I was very lost until I arrived there...then I felt at home. Everyone is different - this helps me more than I can say. I had a desire to 'give back' where ever I could. Any "Giving Tree" that I came across I picked a name of a child - in one case she was a 15 yr old with the same name as my oldest and I felt like I knew her as I looked for the perfect skinny jeans and zebra stripped 'Snugy' she'd requested. 

It was imperative to visit my siblings and life-long sisters-from-other mothers before I left for California. I didn't quite know how I'd fit it all in but I accomplished it. I naively thought I'd figure out how to download the last two years of video that I'd filmed of Apu onto my computer and then just...oh, burn some DVDs. By 4:30 in the morning three days before I was to wing south, I was tearfully aware that I was at risk of losing this precious film and gave up to exhaustion. The next day I found a place that promised they could do it and I was filled with gratitude when I picked up the pricey package early the next morning only to discover, upon arriving back at home, that there was no sound. ARrrgggghh!! What good were they without his beautiful accent? The helpful elves were very apologetic and said if I could return them there immediately they'd work on it throughout the night to have them ready in time. The problem was that I was running to catch a ferry to see my family and friends on the peninsula. I made a quick change of direction, jumped on the freeway with thousands of other Christmas-crazy people, dropped off my precious discs, hurled myself down to the Seattle ferry terminal where I made the boat by one slim minute (who needs sky diving?) and arrived in Bremerton much earlier than I would have by the other route. I was able to have some one-on-one time with a brother that, I discovered, really needed time with his big sis. (Thank you baby Jesus!) So you just have to trust in some things.

Childhood friends, Penny and Theresa, met me for a Christmas lunch and some precious 'catch-up' time before we went to our grade school parish for early evening mass. We were randomly approached in the entry of the church by an usher and asked to bring the "Gifts of the Faithful" to the altar at the offertory time of mass. There we were, we three grown-up women living separate lives, back together where it all began, walking with adult legs and childlike hearts to the altar that promised us so much all those years ago - and did not disappoint. As we bowed and offered our gifts, they were received by the assistant to the priest, Deacon Hamlin, known to us as "Billy" all eight years of parochial school that we shared with him. I felt the old Christmas then - It was a moment~

 

 

 

Never underestimate the gift of a "Snugy"!!

 

The last day before leaving for LA I still had to pack, pick up those #@%# DVDs at the camera store and meet Betsy and about a hundred of her family members (and I love them all) at the Sorrento Hotel for the famous Christmas Tea. Have I mentioned that I met my husband at the Sorrento? It has been an important location for all kind of celebrations in my life, non-the-least the place of my son and his wife's wedding reception two years ago. It's been at least 10 years since Betsy and I started meeting four or five of our closest friends there for the "Dickens's Christmas Caroler's Christmas Tea". Christmas at the Sorrento is so nostalgic and beautiful as it conjures up an old world charm, especially in the Fireside Room. How many perfect martini's my husband and I have sipped there!?! Well, our celebration has changed a bit over the years, but it is still very special and an event not to be missed - I wasn't about to! The carolers no longer perform there but we didn't need them as we sang our own Christmas songs, and danced, and laughed, and...yes, cried a little too.

Fireside Room at the Sorrento Hotel - Just oozes charm and memories.

The day was not complete yet! I headed east to Bellevue to the Christmas gathering of dear Slovak and Czech friends who are more like family - many whom I haven't seen since my husband died in August. It was very emotional for me as these people are of him....his language, his food and culture; the people we both love and who made him feel closest to his origins - the essence of him. I love them so and am so greatful that they still embrace me as one of them. I had to go home to pack, but left them reluctantly far too soon - until next time, drahí priatelia. Bozky!

As mindfully as I could, I completed my packing. Unable to travel light as I normally try to do, I managed to close my bags without too much effort, thankfully and didn't forget anything important. I haven't even started to share my journey to the land of colored-lights strewn palm trees....but stay tuned....maybe by the New Year...just maybe. A promise or a threat? I hope your Christmas was bright...we, after all, shine our own light. And now we know where this post was headed. Thanks for taking the journey with me. Bless....

Oh Miracles Of Life

I don't even know where to begin. I am cruising at 37,000 ft on my way to my girls in Cali. I'm sitting next to Rob, my new bff, sipping a bloody good Bloody Mary, listening to gypsy music (crying just a little, and writing my first airborne blog. What a world!!
It's been a pretty good week, all in all. I took my son, daughter-in-law, and dear friends Betsy & Don to a biker bar called Slims Last Chance for the best, world-class chili west of the Mississippi. My dear friends, Suzanne & Susie took me there earlier in the week and I'm hooked!!
Saturday we celebrated the wedding of my friend, Diane's, son. There is nothing more sublime than young love, as I am reminded by the gypsy song I'm listening to at the moment, "Dance Me To The End Of Love", one of my dear late-husband's favorite's. It was a happy time and I got to dance...how I love to dance. When the tune, "When a Man Loves a Woman" was played by the wonderful band, I retired myself to a quiet corner to sip my champagne and remember for just a moment. School is slowing down just a bit as we all focus on the finish line at the end of the quarter. I still have a lot to do, but a little more time to do it in which is great! I may just suffocate under all the paperwork I have from home and work.
The pups are taken care of for a few days and while I'll continue walking they'll have to wait for my return. I feel a little guilty, but not too much - Dr. David said this trip is good for my wounded soul. Thanks to all of your looking out for my house and home-canine and fowl. Stay tuned for updates from the air and the road. Over and out! Attendants, prepare for landing.

Widow Walk 2 Months 7 Days/Autumn Is Falling

365 Walks-Day 290-293 (nothing like a goal!)

And that, dear folks, is my double entendre for the day~

   

Sigh...there's another one that left us all too soon. 

I just returned from a walk down our road with Rufus (Mikey is nursing a sore foot so he stayed home) after I got home from a long day at the hospital and it sure felt great to be outdoors. The colors are beautiful; my photos don't do them justice, but you all know - you've been out there and seen them, unless you live Downunder (hello family). The crisp, fresh air is playing it's part well, too - just like the script should read! We felt so spunky (hold on to your hat) we even jogged a little!

Well, the proverbial cat is out of the bag. We were talking about cardiac diagnostics today in our post-clinical conference with the students and I was telling them about my husband's heart history, as I always do - it's just too good not to. It has everything they are studying - heart disease, cardiac arrhythmia's, murmurs, bacterial endocarditis, open heart surgeries (3 of them!) and two artificial valve replacements. He had heart enlargement, congestive heart failure a bi-ventricular pacemaker, with liver and renal failure as an encore. It is kind of a "wow" moment when you hear all of that history all at once. Then came the big question, "How is your husband doing now?" It's already mid-quarter and the students are nicely settled into their routines by now so I felt they could handle an honest answer. Of course the expected stunned moment of silence followed and the student that made the inquery felt bad. I tried to reassure them as much as possible and then move quickly on, but that big white elephant has now come to visit. Hopefully it won't get in the way. They've dwelt with some difficult cases, already, this quarter and are learning by leaps and bounds - I think they can cope.

I've had a headache for two days. Practical things my husband managed for us, and was very good at, included a lot of the financial management. Three weeks after he died I had to go to our brokerage firm that was housed within a large, well-known bank to sign papers making me the official owner of our IRA. Out of loyalty, our advisers informed me (and swore me to secrecy) that they'd be moving the brokerage to a new firm within the month due a shake-up of the status quo brought about by a merger with another bank. I don't have a great head for these things on a good day, in a favorable market, and with my husband smiling and sitting beside me. Try making a HUGE decision in my current state regarding - OH only my entire financial security! I do trust these guys and my husband and I chose them with great care and good advice from knowledgeable professionals, but still..... I guess it didn't help that as I prepared to pay property taxes on TWO properties that I own (for the first time by myself) I noticed no one had made a deposit in my checking account for two months! Hello! My social security status has changed and the deposits aren't as regular as they once were AND my brokerage firm missed the memo to deliver the allotted funds to my new account. Why hadn't I noticed this earlier, you might ask? Well....I've had a lot going on - what can I say? Fortunately no overdrafts, but I needed to do some fancy transferring PDQ!!! All part of a new widow's walk.

These are things you can prepare for your whole life and never be ready. The facts are that each spouse has their little niches where they shine and even though we discussed things all the time you can't be inside that person's head. I'm very lucky in that my husband was very organized and kept his records in order. We'd go over them from time to time and mostly stressed how important it is to have really good resources - those people you've chosen to guide you through the areas that are important in your life: your financial advisers, accountant, lawyer, trusted friends, and of course family. Even though I almost lost it on Tuesday and had a mother of a meltdown, I recovered. I prayed, I talked to my husband, asked him to hold my hand, and I held my own two shoulders and stood firm. "I can do this!" "I am not alone - spiritually or otherwise." I called my brokerage firm and talked to my mentors, I found insurance deductions I had missed and called them for a refund, I talked to my strong, smart, young lawyer (daughter of the man who delivered all my children), I spoke with my daughter, then my best friend, and I thanked St. Anthony for helping me find my property tax stubs. I drove them to the Post Office, mailed them and bought a Snickers bar to celebrate. I have my priorities straight~

If this is only Autumn falling....wait till Winter starts to flake. I can hardly wait....

"Then summer fades and passes and October comes. 
We'll smell smoke then, and feel an unexpected sharpness, a thrill of nervousness, swift elation, a sense of sadness and departure."
-   Thomas Wolfe

 

365 Walks-Day 202-206/Bringing My Baby Back Home

Yep, he's thankfully back home. It may seem strange to some that at our age we still think of each other as "my baby" but most of my contempories will understand. Not that my guy and I were ever one to use such pet names for each other (we used to just call each other by our last name - he'd call me by my maiden name like it was my first name. I still like it when he does that - just takes me right back there) but still no matter how old we become we are still "those two" from "back then".

I'm happy to report that my "boy" made it home fully intact although he had me going there for awhile. He was scheduled for surgery on Thursday for "tests" and a little "cleaning" up of that worrisome toe. The test he had done is called an arteriogram (or angiogram) and in his case it was to test the blood flow to his lower extremities. It involves a small incision in the groin to insert a catheter where an injection of contrast is given so the vessels in question can be viewed. This is a bit tricky for Apu because he is on Coumadin (anticoagulant) due to his mechanical heart valves (so dangerous clots won't form - hopefully). When a large blood vessel is invaded in this way, bleeding can occur especially for someone on this medication. Once this was completed his very capable vascular surgeon planned to do wound debridement of his left big toe that hasn't healed since April. (I'll spare you the YouTube videos of wound cleaning.)

We found out at the last minute that these procedures were going to be moved up to Wednesday afternoon. Two of our children and our daughter-in-law were flying cross-country and my dear cranky person did not want them worrying while they traveled, so I was sworn to secrecy. I am not one for such trickery and did not agree but followed orders and drove part of the above faction to the airport. It was a bit unsettling when our son try to call his father from the car and the phone went straight to the operator. I made some excuse and said I'd check it out since I'd be going immediately to the hospital. Our daughter then called me and said that she'd also tried to telephone him as she left LA and was told he was in surgery. "That can't be right" she declared. To be honest he wasn't REALLY in surgery, I mean technically he was in the operating room, had local anesthesia and some other good drugs, and did have knives and pokey things involved....so okay, fine we lied to our children and I, for one, do not feel good about it. I believe that when you are "in it" then worry is part of the deal, but he was being so weird about it. When I got to the hospital and learned that they'd moved things up and he was already gone...I really didn't feel good about it and started to wonder if I'd been duped as well. What wasn't he telling me?

One hour ticked by, then two, then three...sheez, this wasn't open heart surgery - what was taking so long. No news, is good news I kept telling myself as I waited in his room. What if he told them to "just take off the damn thing"? Would he not tell me? I started to pace and imagine all sorts of things.... Yep! Worrying is part of the whole damn deal.

Finally they wheeled him into his room and even though he was awake and talking the first thing I did was lift the blankets and look at his foot. To my relief it was still there with a bright shiny new dressing in place - whew! The results are that even though his toe looks terrible there seems to be healthy tissue underneath and some decent blood flow - so far so good. It is generally believed that he had a systemic reaction to that infected toe, was just a hair away from sepsis, and it is being treated with big gun antibiotics. They bring a whole other world of problems....GI side effects from those meds as well as an irritated mouth and throat from the loss of normal flora, but we can take take of that. I'll just pour some fermented Bulgarian spoiled milk down the hatch and he'll be as good as new! I'm just so happy to have my baby back home.

 

Walks have been on the blocks around the hospital, but I was so excited to get Rufus and Mikey back out in the neighborhood. Stupidly, the first thing I did was nearly fall off a chair on the patio trying to relocate the famous windchime - dammit. I thought I broke my foot as I agiley plopped down and twisted it onto it's side. Ugggghhh - immediately there was a large egg-sized swelling that was a lovely robin-egg shade of blue that almost made me pass out with pain. I hopped to the freezer to get ice thinking I'd hide my lunacy and no one would be the wiser. Sometimes I think I'm still twelve - the way I bounce around (note to self "a bit older than 12"). I put on an ice pack, then wrapped it with an ace bandage and went for a hobble with Rufus. No wimps on our block - only warriors and an idiot or two. One rough night, a swollen day or two and I'm good as new. What a pathetic bunch of cripples we are - honestly, we just have to laugh....or we'd never stop crying. (She says with a smile...) g'night Gracie.

365 Walks-Day 183 - 186/What We Have

 

 

Life passes in a blur of detailed moments - wonderful experiences are, thankfully, part of this process and though they may not be the ones that stand out first and foremost - they should.

        

I have survived the tornado that was my June of 2010! A few short hours ago I returned from the memorable road trip with our youngest, who will now be referred to as Ms. Dr. The craziest part of the whole trip was the shuttle ride back from the airport, but that's a story for another day. Daughter #1 dropped me off at the Santa Barbara airport this morning after a quick breakfast following a restless night. Ms. Dr's new job locale is tucked away in another world, but not far from the luxurious coastline of Central California. After a fun filled, lazy day poolside we convinced her to remain with us over night at the decadent resort rather than drive the dark winding road to her new abode. It didn't take much to convince her, but a late night phone call requesting her to report for her new job earlier than expected the next morning due to unscheduled urgent surgeries, left her anxious and fretful - a long night for all of us. She was gone by 5am and then worked 14hrs straight. Welcome to reality, sweet one.

My eldest and I were sleepy, slow, and kind of sad to bid farewell all too soon. We headed to the airport only to discover we were driving in the wrong direction. Was she unwittingly hauling me off to LA? Only in my dreams. We made it with time to spare since I only had a back pack - nice to travel light. A memorable smudge in my life passed all too soon. What fun it was to be with my girls - bits of myself blended with their papa but so much themselves. 

*Side note - My husband felt well enough to catch up on some of my blogging (never knew he even read them) and communicated to me the negative connotation that the term "Daddio" held for him - early associations. Ooops! I hadn't heard this one, but doesn't matter - from his lips to my ears. The term I found endearing and funny is null, nil, void. He has requested that I use "Apu" a name his children and some very close to him use (not to be confused with the Apu from the Simpsons. While my Apu does have an intriguing accent, it is not east Indian). I digress... Apu let it be known that he was very able to care for himself while I was away, "Thank you very much", but I needed to have all bases covered for my own peace of mind. Thank you to dear ones who checked in and so much more. All went well. One day at a time...

I was back to my usual stomping ground today. Rufus and Mikey haven't been out during my absence, poor guys, so they were extremely excited for my return. They've been well cared for, don't get me wrong, but Apu's ability was limited. It's okay, they survived and we were all happy to stretch our legs for awhile this afternoon. The last few walks have been in different states and terrains. After the long drive down the I-5, stopping for exercise was not only welcome, but needed. I just don't do as well as I used to cramped up in a small confined space. Years ago, I remember driving back with my youngest after she graduated from college and she'd packed her Jeep so full that the seat was pushed all the way forward and my knees literally touched the dash board. That was one lo-o-o-ng trip, but I was more flexible then - sigh.

Home to the familiar again, to my pups, and my honey. Yes, life can whirl around you and sweep you up knocking the air right out of you, but every so often you catch a glimpse of the bits that mean the most when the dust settles. If time and the Big Guy upstairs allows, you just might get a chance to catch your breath before the next front blows in. Probably not, but one can always hope. Taking in big deep gulps with seat belt at the ready.

ps-passed my halfway mark! Still truckin'

365 Walks-Day 159 & 160/No Matter Where You Go...There You Are

 I just returned from a nice stroll through downtown Edmonds with Rufus and Mikey. If I had been a little quicker with the camera I could have captured twin squats - Mikey in perfect sync with Rufus in front. Maybe nicer for you that I didn't get it. They sure made my work easier...oh the simple things in life.

The above banner was taped to a window I passed on First Hill yesterday afternoon. It was a sweet reminder that came non too soon. I drove Daddio down to the Polyclinic to receive his 2nd outpatient treatment of IV steroids for his back. I kept hoping that after his infusion was done he'd leap up out of his chair and walk out with his wheelchair on one shoulder and carrying me sitting up on the other like the Incredible Hulk or something. It's not that kind of steroid treatment - doesn't quite work that way. Fortunately our drive down was prearranged and less frantic than the one last Friday. His appointment was later in the afternoon again, but this time we were able to fit in a dialysis cycle first so he wasn't behind by the time we got home. 

 

Once he got all settled in the infusion room I decided to take advantage of the time to walk in new surroundings. As I left I passed several lounge chairs and beds where other patients were receiving their treatments. From my medical background it was easy to realize that several of them were getting chemotherapy and many were not very old. We don't have to go very far to find people worse off than we are. Sobering and humbling at the same time. 

I headed out what I think was the front door of the clinic, but I've gotten turned around so many times and gone in and out of different doors and elevators that I'm not really sure. It is quite a complex of clinics and laboratories that all seem to run quite efficiently - and everyone is SO nice. I have found, though, that the "be like honey" concept really works; if you're sweet and kind to people most of them are quite pleasant right back at ya.

 I didn't really have much of an agenda except to not get lost. For those of you who are familiar with First Hill in Seattle you know it to be also referred to as "Pill Hill" since there are so many hospitals and medical clinics up there. It is also one of the oldest parts of Seattle and there are some real gems to be found if you take a good look.

 
 
 I love being a tourist in my own metropolis and I must admit that a little break from the hustle and bustle as well as a bit of fresh air was welcome. I try to remember to bring a proper camera with me, but sadly most of the time I'm lucky to have my phone. I snapped a couple of shots of areas that made me stop and smile or suck in my breath just a little. Some of the old apartment buildings have beautiful trim, moldings, and carvings on the buildings that you just don't see on construction today - mostly it's just too expensive. Some of it was crumbling and falling apart and I felt sad to see it wasn't being cared for. In a way some of the human beings I passed up there near a little serene park gave me the same feeling for much of the same cause - just let go for one reason or another. 

 

Considering the trip down, the parking and the ordeal of starting an IV on my sweetie-pie's miserable veins, the actual treatment was mercifully short and we were out the door before we knew it. Of course Daddio knew all the ladies by their first names by check out time. To be fair, he did ask me to find out the name of the young, earring-wearing man who checked us in both days at the registrar's desk in the lobby. Last Friday it was because of him that we made it in the nick of time. He personally took my guy to the Dr's office while I ran to rescue my illegally parked car. He remembered us when we came in yesterday and asked how things were going. He didn't just inquire, he really wanted to know. Daddio wanted his name so we could send him a note of thanks. I saw a pharmacy in the lobby and suggested that we purchase a card "now" while we were thinking of it. We both wrote a note, found out his name and then left it with a co-worker. We didn't even leave our last name, but he tracked us down and called us today to thank us. He said it made his day. So easy, so simple - why don't we do it more?

So many lessons in one day: Much nicer to drive down the freeway without a knot in my stomach and my husband's white knuckles clutching the dashboard, it can be fun discovering neighborhoods I thought I already knew, no matter where I go - there I am and of course my all time favorite, 'be like honey' (from an article shared by a fb buddy) - the repercussions can be quite amazing. 

PS- The verdict is still out, but I think my sweet toad might just be improving. We made homemade pizza tonight...together. Thanks for all well wishes/prayers. Stay tuned!

 

365 Walks-Day 146 -148/Baby, You've Got What it Takes

I think I'll start with today and work backwards - it's just how my mind wants to work at the moment. I'm in that period of the quarter where all the final evaluations and loose ends of paper work must be completed. I'm grateful that I don't have to be on campus or at the hospital every moment but my days are full none-the-less. 

I began the day by taking Apu to the outpatient area of the hospital to receive a couple of units of blood. We learned on Wednesday along with a couple other tidbits of not so joyful news that he is very anemic - as in extremely. This morning was the earliest "non-emergency" time he could be fit in, plus he had a few priorities of his own - he's earned that, at least. He is at the point where he must be transported in a wheelchair when covering any distance. He's weak and in a lot of pain, sigh. I left him in capable hands and then drove south of Seattle to pick up the extra dialysis solution that needed. The good news in all of this madness is that his kidney status seems to be stable (more or less) for the moment. I did a little grocery shopping, dropped off a prescription for more steroids and raced home to start dinner and try to get some school work done. Then it was time to go back and pick him up. I don't know how he does it, I really don't.

By the time I got him home, settled, dialysis initiated and fed I had to leave for south of Seattle again to pick my sister up from the airport. That is at least one bright spot in our lives - she has seemingly met 'The One' and they happily spent a nice week traveling in Arizona. I am so happy for her. I prayed for it and she deserves it. The point of all of this? I finally walked Rufus on my road at 10pm - but we walked!

Now I am moving back to yesterday. After an emotional and draining day on Wednesday (it's coming; isn't this fun) it was a much anticipated and very needed reunion with my two sisters-from-other-mothers, Penny and Theresa (review). It took this long for us to be able to schedule a day together to celebrate my April birthday. There is something to belated parties - wonderful fun to look forward to. They are my breath of fresh air; my long sip of cold water after being parched. We kept it simple on this visit and that suited me just fine. Theresa had already met up with Penny and they both picked me up at the ferry. We went back to Penny's house in Suquamish that looks out over Port Madison. The view is just exquisite and her cozy home reminds me of the quarters of a tall ship. We talked and talked and laughed and talked and cried as usual. Penny handed me a packet of letters that I'd written to her shortly after I was married, nearly 37 yrs ago, and had moved with my new husband to live in Hawaii. She told me that she so enjoyed them, but felt as though she was reading my journal from my first year of marriage and wanted me to have them now. They couldn't have come at a sweeter more appreciated time. I saved them for later to read and reminisce with my sweetie-pie.

After quiche, salad, brownies, tea, cake and presents (they seriously went all out!) we drove back toward Kingston. Along the bluff that stands above the ferry landing at Apple Tree Cove is a spot called Quiet Place Park and it was until we got there. It is lush and green with the pungent aroma of deep wooded forest. We started talking about bears and cougars and managed to get ourselves all freaked out, but bravely soldiered on until the trail became dense and dropped off to a ravine leading to the waterfront. We had just enough time to do a healthy loop before we bid reluctant farewells and they left me to await the approaching ferry clutching my new treasures. I felt refreshed, renewed, and happy.

Leaping back to Wednesday morning (are you still with me?) I'd just finished moving the furniture around in time for my carpet cleaner to do his magic. Apu is great in making the appointments, but he's not as handy doing the heavy lifting anymore. We managed though and I had a little time before the first round of doctor appointments began. My other sister-friend from yet another mother (Betsy) was having a small party of her own - a work party! Cleaning out and paring down is something that I aspire to and I wanted to participate if only in a small way. There is something freeing in emptying shelves and closets and what makes it more fun than a gaggle of friends with big mugs of coffee? 

I almost forgot the time in the frivolity of it all, but like Cinderella racing for her pumpkin I jumped in my buggy and made it home in time to help lace up my sweet toads shoes and throw him in the front seat for his 11:30 appointment. We were both a bit nervous to hear the verdict, but not knowing is worse. He has a herniated disc in his lumbar-sacral spine; $#it!! It's made all the more depressing by the fact of his debilitated state and the options available to him. We're taking it conservatively with oral steroid paks, anti-inflammatory meds, rest, and hard boards under the mattress that creep over to my side. He may require more drastic measures but one step at a time. We had an hour before the next appointment down the block so I got the raciest wheelchair I could find (electric blue) and pushed him across the parking lot to the hospital and we had hamburgers and fries in the cafeteria (my walk of the day consisted of four trips across the hospital campus). If you're going to go down the tubes you might as well drown your sorrows in as much grease and fat as possible. 

We still had a little time to kill and I got an idea for a little pick-me-up for my fella. He was an anesthesiologist in this very hospital for nearly 25 yrs and although many of the old guard are gone there are still several of the staff that remember him and love him. I pushed his chair to the elevator and pressed the "S" floor for surgery and wheeled him into the operating room foyer. Before long he was surrounded by his old crew and they were hugging him and fussing all over - he was so glad. It was the best medicine he's had in a long while. They made him promise to return soon.

We needed that buoyant moment for in the next hour he would be poked and prodded, but in a most gentle way by the nurses in the wound clinic. His left great toe continues to look angry and is healing (in the words of my eloquent spouse) at the pace of an encroaching glacier. I know the nurses are worried about his anemia and poor circulation in his legs. The coolness of that toe and the dark color are foreboding and no one wants to form the horrid word that we are all fearing. We can't speak it...it can not be an option - he's lost so much already. So he tries to appear strong and brave and I just look worried and pray. What else can we do but live each day, every moment, our allotted slice of life and prove once again to each other that we, in fact, do have what it takes to face each new day. 

 

365 Walks-Day 122 & 123/Home Sweet Home

I have returned!! I am adjusting to the 43 degree weather from the 87 degrees I left on Sunday. I don't care who you are, that's a bit of a reacclimation! I know I can do it, I can do it, I think I will be able to do it - sigh. One thing for certain, it was great to see Apu again and he looked wonderful. Not sure if it's because he thrives when I'm not around or if our son, D-i-L, and friends just took such fabulous care of him. He is still nursing that pestering infected toe, but it seems to be healing albeit very slowly. I brought him a souvenier T-shirt from the ACE Hotel. The logo is the silhouette of a coyote or maybe a wolf wearing multiple beads ala mardi gras. I lied and told him it was a German Shepard like our Sophie. He complained like he does for most gifts, "Oh, another T-shirt! I've already got dozens." But I know he is secretly pleased that I remember him. 

My walk on Sunday was leisurely and hot as I traversed the Hotel property and dipped in an out of the pools. I also made a short brisk late trek up and down my road in the rain (umbrella and all) when I got home from the airport just for comparison sake. Nothing like rubbing your own nose in it. Yesterday's walk was late also, but fortunately for Rufus and me it wasn't raining for a few minutes. We were just in the neighborhood, but I know he was happy to be out. That was one thing my husband said he wasn't able to accomplish - daily walks with Rufus, so I know at least someone was glad of my return. 

I hit the pavement running upon my return and the shock of it has jolted me just a bit. I have school papers piled and household chores that will last until doomsday, but little by little it will all get finished - or not. I need to go over my traveling posts and clean them up a bit, maybe add a photo or two. It's good to be home but the break was, as usual, a welcomed one. I'll live off of it for sometime so I get good mileage out of them. I'm running to an appointment now, but plan to do my 124th walk later today.Stay tuned. 

365 Walks - Day 118/Soul Food

Walking today was mostly on the hotel treadmill and back and forth to the pool. I'm posting from my iPhone so I'll keep it short.
My friends met me here with palm tree sun glasses and shot glass necklaces. I knew instantly that the party had begun. The sky was blue and not one visable cloud. Soaking in the sun may be hard on the skin but it's sure good for the soul.
Daddio is holding down the fort but is mad at
me for requesting so many people to check on him that he's not getting any rest. That's just fine - at least I know he's ok.
We ate at a place called the Cliff House and listened to music at The Nest where there were a lot of people with white hair bustin' some crazy moves. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time - also good for the soul.

365 Walks-Day 116/Hug a Palm Tree

Wet and dreary today, but my walk felt fresh and envigorating. Rufus and I hit the local pavement while Daddio cooked up some nice small steaks and a delicious salad with artichoke hearts and kalamata olives. It doesn't get better than to come in damp from a drizzly spring walk to have dinner waiting - color me spoiled.

I've had a busy day with work and then running errands in preparation for leaving for Palm Springs tomorrow. I can't take my fella with me, but he insists that he can handle everything and will be fine. I have our peeps lined up to check in and wonderful neighbors at the ready if needed. I struggle with leaving and going on about the business of living part of my life without him along for the ride. We've talked about it of course and he wants me to do these things but it's not easy. Traveling was always more fun and interesting with him and I miss it. 

 

I'm looking forward to some sun, a deck chair, and a refreshing dip in the pool. Throw in a couple of palm trees and a tall drink with condensation dripping down the side and I'm in heaven! I'll fit my walk in everyday and try to jot a note about the sights and surroundings as time allows, so stay tuned. I'm packed and ready to head off for a little shut-eye before the sun comes up. Sometimes I wonder with all the work, arranging and preparations if it's even worth going, but I know I need it, he'll be fine (dear God, I hope) and I'm sure he can use the break from my smothering ways. He'll probably order a keg and invite all the riffraff....if only. I would wish it for him. I do, afterall have the neighbors alerted, but knowing him he'd invite them over first! G'night Gracie.