Patti's Grace Notes

Walking Solo/Into The New Year

 

The Prayer 
I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

Well, maybe it's just me, but they make me weep. ...and the words, for me...right now, says it all. Such beautiful music.

I'm trying very hard to get kick-started into this new year with thoughts, ideas (which are thoughts with a little more energy, I guess) and plans to keep my little buniony toes moving forward. It's hard work I'll admit. Committing, as always, is the problem but it feels SO good to accomplish something. Not easy to do when one is adept at making excuses.

BlOG NEWS
I did manage to do a few things last year. I survived, for one...I thought that was a good one to start. The good news is that my Project 1000 (to rid myself of 1000 un-needed items) was successful. The bad news is that it didn't even make a dent :( ...so I'm launching a Project 500 to keep the momentum going. Hey - every little bit helps, that and instituting the buy one toss one rule (toss two is even better, but hey - baby steps). So, I've got that going for me.

Next up is my Progetto Italiano! Yep, I'm learning Italian - gotta keep the brain cells working. My daughter-in-love speaks the language (among others) and has offered to teach me but she's pretty hardcore so I think I need to get a small vocabulary base before I face her - we're on good terms so far.

In addition to all of that, work, the house falling down around my ears...etc, I'm trying to journal more. This consists mostly of letters to Apu, but it is relaxing, theraputic, and satisfying in a very personal way. I do find myself editing to some degree. You can't lose a spouse, watch your children go through every piece of paper in his desk and not learn a lesson or two. Yes, I'll be doing some paper shredding soon. 

BUT - the big news is my new blog! I'll let it speak for itself because as, my son said - I did plenty of speaking in the first post. In my defense, I had to start with some background and I never pretended to be concise - in all fairness I am, after all, Italian (and Irish, but I am not learning Gaelic). Here is my new blog address a Lick and a Prayer. Please include your email address at the bottom of that blog page if you have the remotest interest in being notified of future posts, which I promise to keep shorter....most of the time. Oh, come on - how much can you write about a dog? Yeah...I know.

This is a shout out to the owner of Belle & Tinker. Thanks Jim for my new blog title - it's perfect! And thank you to my son for my banner - he makes it all seem so easy.
It's been challenging to learn a new blog-site and will be even more so moving back and forth between the two different formats, but again it's all about the gray matter. Thank you for going on this ride with me. You've helped me, especially this last year, more than you'll ever know. So here's to the months ahead. I know I'm guided with grace from above and whispers in the Devine ear by a newbie with an accent. That reminds me - tonight while I was in my kitchen I heard Baby, my African Grey parrot, say "SheeeeT" in a most unmistakable voice. I almost burst into tears....but I laughed instead. Miss you sweet man - and Baby does too. 

 

Walking Solo/Input Requested

I woke up with a headache this morning. I don't get them often but this one almost made me miss mass. I hustled at the last moment because I knew that staying home would just make me feel worse. As I peeked out the window my heart ached almost as much as my head - nothing quite as dismal as a downpour and lumps of dirty, nearly melted snow. Have I totally depressed you yet?

Don't worry, things got better. It was good that I didn't remain home and wallow. Mass is always good for me and being among people at mass even better, for the most part. Fr. Petosa was an inspiration, as always when he serves mass - a good homily never hurts. A knowing eye from my bff, Betsy, (can't hide a damn thing from her) and hugs from my pretend grand-kids were greatly appreciated, as well. Betsy and I sipped our Sunday cup of java following mass - I treasure our time together more than she'll ever know, but....I still had that nagging headache.

Scout was waiting for me in her trusting, loyal way and I took her for the walk I'd promised her prior to my departure. It would take more than heavy, cold rain for me to break my word - she is so good for me, as you all have learned. The air felt good and fresh as I breathed in the sweet aroma of pine and cedar and all things outdoors. I started thinking as we walked. If it weren't for her I'd be indoors, feeling blue, and nursing a throbbing cranium.

A kernel of an idea began to form. I reflected on the many positive responses I got from my recent blog about my walk with Scout in the snow. I was almost embarrassed to write about it for fear I'd come off sounding like an aging widow with all the pathetic cliches, but I heard from all sorts of people. Maybe they were just happy that I wasn't moping about my grief-speckled existence. As I wrote that piece I was reflecting on the "little old ladies" I pass in the early morning, walking their dogs and those that I've met at the dog beach hovering over their beloved pooches. Part of me watched these scenes separating myself with distinction: "Well, I'm not THAT old", or "I actually HAVE a life"...etc, etc. But the fact is those women are engaging in life. They aren't sitting at home on the sofa watching reruns of "Murder She Wrote" (well not all the time anyway), they are out WALKING and LIVING and well....LOVING. Those are good and healthy activities. They would probably read a blog about that. It was then that I realized my headache was gone.

So folks, I'm thinking about writing a new blog. Not instead of this one, but adjacent to it. I'd keep it separate because, let's face it, not everyone is a dog person, or if they are their lives might be so full that their animal actually knows that s/he is really a dog...you know, not a....person. Ok, I said it. I'm thinking that this blog would appeal to a special sort of individual and who knows, I might even generate advertising from it. I must thank my friend and mentor, Nathalie of Nathalies Notes, who constantly inspires me. She writes a blog about "writing in the margins" of her life as a wife, mother, and professional writer. She has her ups and downs along this bumpy road of life and inspires herself every day to seek a new angle. So, that's what I must do - inspire myself. It's no one else's job but mine. 

I'm stealing a quote from my wise, oldest daughter (to distinguish from my wise, youngest one) who tweeted today, "What other creature lives this life all the while railing against it...?" I don't know it's origin but could easily write a whole post on it alone. So I'm not asking your opinion on the idea of the blog, because it's my responsibility to try and fulfill my life the best I can in the most meaningful ways I can. And while some well intentioned (joking to a degree...and I took them that way) people commented how "maybe I need a grandchild", I realize that while that could be nice - it's not up to me (thank God). My little Scout is a big part of my life right now and I think this will be fun. What I want to know is - what shall I name it?

Let me know your thoughts: Some of my quick ideas are "Scout's Travels" "Adventure's With Scout", "Rescued" (as in me, not her), "Puppy Love", "Apu's Gift", "Scout: Cock-eye ears and a lick in the eye", "Exploring with Scout" & "My Gal Scout".  Well that's all I have time for right now because said mutt is letting me know she's hungry and bored. I'm open for original ideas as well so feel free to brain storm. I also have some ideas to uplift my "Walking Solo" - more later. 

Bath time after the down pour

It's all about engaging in life, living, and loving - moving forward. We each have to find those things that lift us up and keep our head and hearts in the game. Trying to rail a little less and explore the potential.

 

".....I was far too old and too big for such childish things, and the sooner I learned to hold in, the better off eveybody would be. I soon forgot...." Scout from "To Kill a Mockingbird."

Walking Solo/Snow Days!!

 

Wow! Big day, I just uploaded and posted my first you-tube video. Mercifully, it's private (except for you of course) so the whole bloody world doesn't have to sit through all 29 seconds of it. I figured you've already signed up for the ride so how bad can it hurt to watch my beloved pooch trudge through the new fallen snow? We had a long, beautiful, exhilarating walk and we both loved every second of it.

Okay, I'm not even going to apologize for how obsessed I've become with my buddy Scout - it's scary how much I love her. There have just been too many studies done on the positive effect pets have on people in need. Dogs are the one animal that I've known to be officially allowed in to hospitals to visit the patients (that's not to mention all the varieties that have been smuggled in). In long-term care facilities, I've witnessed, residents respond to pets in ways rarely seen in their human interactions so, no, I'm not going to try to defend myself. I just don't want to be labeled as "one of those" old ladies...., well you know what I mean. I guess it could be worse, I could be a hoarder with 11 cats. I'm not far off - a messy house with one spoiled puppy that can pretty much do what she wants - there....sigh...ok, I guess I am one of those.

I've made a deal with Scout though, she does have to learn how to behave just enough so that she is welcome to be around children and is safe, but I won't make her learn useless tricks or wear funny outfits for my entertainment. She has a couple of sweaters and one heck of a fancy coat for warmth and...well, I confess I made her try on Mikey's Christmas hat, but just for a second. I laughed until I nearly fell over - she wasn't too happy about it either. Sorry baby... lol, still laughing.

As you can see I'm in better spirits. That's just how it is these days - you've got to enjoy them when they come. You'd think the bitter cold and snow would have me isolated and on my knees - nope. I can't explain it but I was motivated to go out truckin' around the ice & snow in the jeep, playing in the back yard with Scout and taking long, brisk treks along the winter landscape. We were even the first ones to discover a downed power line and called it in. I waited with my hazard lights blinking and the policeman nearly patted me on the head when he showed up.

I've managed to get some school work done, the Christmas decorations put away, and a few odd chores caught up. I even paid some bills earlier than necessary. It may sound ridiculous, but these are small things that make me feel calmer inside - a little more settled. I have to take full advantage when the urge strikes. Maybe it's about control. If I can contain my surroundings in small ways it helps me cope better with so much of which I have no command - like, say, the weather. Yes my first week's schedule at the hospital with my brand new group of students has been totally trashed, but we are warm, cozy, and safe, dates have been adjusted, and the students got extra study time before their first big exam. 

I have a few more projects to tackle before the week-end is out, but I took time today to indulge my furry bestie once more. Today is Scout's birthday - well as close as I can guess. Most of you may remember that I rescued her in July on what would have been my 38th wedding anniversary. As near as my vet could calculate, she was pronounced to be 6 months old. Never too proud to use a worthy cliche -"my how time flies!" Since that made January the one year mark and since Scout's previous owner was deceased leaving no information about her, I figured that among that individual, Apu, and my mother, who's birthday would have been today - Scout was chosen especially for me and January 20th would be a fine day for her birthday. 

She loves me in a tail waggin', face lickin' (and I mean the whole face, nostrils and all - I know, yuck!) sleeping on my bed in the crook of my knee, neck nuzzlin' kind of way. It's complete and unconditional and I love her right back because, well she's helped to patch one little corner of a great big hole in my heart. I read a saying recently which, I am sure, is as commercial as they come, but I kinda like it...because it's true - "I want to be the kind of person that my dog thinks I am". I have a way to go, but I'm working on it~

 

Thank you to Betsy, Piper & Nate for helping celebrate Scout's 1st Birthday!

Walking Solo/I've Been Havin' Some Hard Travelin'

 

Howdy there~ (That there way of talkin' is kinda infectious). I've missed you and feel a little guilty for my absence - not that you've noticed. We've all been a little busy these past few weeks haven't we. Truth is these holidays left me feeling like I've had a swift whack to the back of my knees with a bamboo cane. Even though I felt mostly in charge and tried to keep things in check - they just sort of leveled me. Maybe it's year two of my solo journey, maybe it's this time of year, perhaps it's my own apathy - I really don't know. I just want to do a quick check even though my heart isn't in it. No reflection on you - it's me. I'm feeling just a bit heavy-hearted but not full blown depression. I'm ok.

As emotional as it all was, Christmas was truly wonderful with our grown children all around me snuggled in our mountain retreat. We headed up a couple of days before, trimmed a "Charley Brown" Christmas tree with strings of popcorn and cranberries. We were all virtually "unplugged" and spent our time cooking, baking, reading, listening to Christmas music, and just being together. In spite of the forecast it snowed on Christmas day just as the kids predicted. They were convinced that Apu would arrange it. It was truly magical.

Grabbed a tree on the way up (a story in itself!)    Our cabin Christmas 

Traditions remain~                                                    Owl PJ's in force! (another story...sheez)

 
Christmas surprise! Mikey came for a visit!!! (Scout was SO happy)

Our girls had to head south to their homes in California before the new year, but I found myself back up in the mountains to celebrate New Year's Eve with a couple of my siblings and a nephew. A foot of snow had fallen during the week-glorious!  It was nice - laid back, just the way I prefer to begin the new year. Even in the best of times I've been nostalgic at auld lang syne (translated "old long since") - while most things do, some things never change. 

So, the road's been a little rough lately, but I keep it all in perspective - I'm fine, the gang is great (a few heart breaks here and there) and relatively speaking things could be a whole hell-of-a-lot worse - I am well aware of that. I'm back at work and all manner of craziness is already in play, so I don't have much time to wallow. As I said, I've missed you and promise to harass you more frequently - I think my weary soul needs it. Happy New Year to all and may your travels be light and breezy, at least try to avoid hitting "the hard rock" and .....try to stay out of jail.

Up at the lake - New Year's Day